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A Look Back In Our Past

This post is strictly satire and does not reflect the views of CPAC, CPAWM, or any of its affiliates. 

The Forbidden Encounter

The year was 2014. Bluesockwa1 stumbles into his office, tired after a long day of writing posts, correcting posts, and telling Zingkingto to shut the hell up. He drops down into his throne office chair, not at all surprised to find DPD hiding under his desk once again. He kicks him out of the office for the 3rd time that day. Just as DPD left, another face burst through his doors. It was none other than Badboy, DCP leader . Before Blue1 could greet him, Badboy was already screaming profanities at him.

“Second??? What kind of biased piece of trash site do you think you’re running here??? We had 7 events this week and maxed over 70 at each one. You are literally the worst CEO in history…”

Badboy ardently continued, but it was at this point Blue1 began to tune him out. He remembered just a week prior when Badboy was praising him after DCP earned 1st. This seemed to be a common occurrence in their relationship.

It was at this point Blue1 decided to interrupt Badboy. He said “Stop.” and Badboy complied.

“Badboy, what’s the point? You barge in here every time DCP fails to get 1st, you yell at me, you scream at me, you demand I move DCP up, but you already know I have no intention of doing that. Is this all worth it to you? We talk so often, yet nothing ever really seems to come of it. Why do you really do this?”

Badboy broke his eye contact with Blue1, he lowered his gaze to the floor. Badboy then fell into the chair sitting across from Blue1. After a moment of silence, he began to speak.

“It’s just, everyone in this community thinks so highly of you. They all think you’re so intelligent, so smart. I figured that maybe if I led DCP well enough, people might think that of me for once. I don’t really do all that well in school. I try to make friends with the black kids at school, but they just make fun of my glasses and call me a creep. My parents think I waste my time on the computer all day, I’ve tried to explain that I’m actually not a failure at all, I’m leading a massive army that gets 50+ on CP. This is all I really have, I guess I kind lash out and take it on you. I’m sorry.”

It was at this point Blue1 got out of his chair, and paced around his office a few times, which left Badboy in agonizing suspense. Blue1 then put his hand on Badboys shoulder and kneeled next to him. Badboy did his best to conceal his surge of satisfaction from the touch of Blue1.

“I understand where you’re coming from. I get it. But you don’t need other peoples approval. You just need to be happy with yourself. I get why you’re frustrated like this, I do. But you can’t keep taking it out on me. It’s not fair to either one of us”

Badboy then replied “You’re right. I guess you could say… I’ve been a bad boy.”

This sparked laughter between the two. They found their eyes locking once again, even long after the laughter faded and was replaced with silence. After a comfortable period of silence, Badboy raised his hand to Blue1s face. He expected a recoil from Blue1, but to his surprise, there was none at all.

Badboy closed his eyes, and  began to lean in and —

 

“Badboy wake the hell up.” shouted Mustapha from a distance. “We have an event against ACP in 20, I need you to make at least another 15+ accounts for us if we stand any chance of beating them.” Badboy asked him “Can’t you have Trader do it?”. “No, you IDIOT! I put him on nulling duty. Just hurry up and make the accounts, BITCHBOY”.

Badboy complied with Mustaphas request, but he never forgot about that office, Blue1, and a dream.

~ ~

The Birth Of The Bill

“You’re the most amazing penguin I’ve ever met. Being with you, I feel like I can fend off a thousand UMA troops. You complete me.” Boomer meant ever word he said. He’d never been happier in his entire life. However, things were about to change.

Her eyes fell from his. She turned pale and ghastly, like she’d just seen an AR troop in uniform. “What’s wrong?” he asked. He was not ready for what was to come.

“I can’t do this anymore. I’ve met someone else. He sees me for who I really am. He’s tough, cool, and smart. I’m sorry, Boomer. But he’s hacked his way into my heart.”

“Who?” Boomer asked, while trying to choke back his tears.

“His name is Eyes. Eyes521. I’m sorry” she left him alone.

He dropped to his knees. Tears streamed down his face. Boomer had never felt so hurt, so betrayed. At that moment, something changed inside Boomer. His tears began to stop. His flippers tightened to clench the snow underneath him. All the sadness, all the misery he felt just a moment ago, it turned into anger. Not just anger, but rage. Heated rage unlike anything he’d ever felt before. It was then he vowed to vengeance. He went back home, and began to write….

The Following Bill Is The Banishment of ALL Hacking in Club Penguin Warfare/Xat Chats/WordPress Sites.

Hacking, under Federal Law, is illegal, and the maximum punishments are a $100,000 fine, up to 30 years in jail, and loss of electronic privileges. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES shall ANY hacker in the Club Penguin Warfare community be an exception to Federal Law. If you do any of what is below, you are subject to the following punishments.

To make it easier, a 3-tier system has been created:

1st Tier:

Violations:

  • Scamming
  • Use of Bots
  • Repeated Threats

Punishment:

1st Offense: Minimum 1 Week Suspension From All Armies and/or army related organizations he or she is involved with

Future Offenses: Punishment Length increases (weeks) by multiples of 2 ; i.e. 1, 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, etc.

2nd Tier:

Violations:

  • Low-Level Doxing (Without Address/Phone Number)
  • Unauthorized Deletion of Website Content
  • Taking Over a Website or Chat

Punishment:

1st Offense: Minimum 1 Month Banishment From All Armies, army related websites, chats, etc.

Future Offenses: Punishment Length increases by multiples of 2 ;i.e. 1, 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, etc.

3rd Tier:

Violations:

  • High-Level Doxing (Including Address, Phone Number, etc..)
  • Website Deletion
  • Significant and Repeated Offenses from Lower Tiers

Punishment:

1st Offense: Minimum 6 Month Banishment From All Armies, Websites, or Chats associated with armies

Future Offenses: Permanent Banishment From All Armies

At last, Boomer had his revenge.

~ ~

Goblin 

Former CPAC CEO

Current Gay Rights Deactivist

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9 Responses

  1. wangler

  2. Good Job Boomer. You get your revenge. Nice post gob.

  3. Lmfao

  4. man this post creates imagery… damn good job goblin

  5. XD

  6. “he’s hacked his way into my heart” The girl was never named tho ;(

    • wait until part 2

      • the links broke

  7. so wat if I botraid the champions cup semi finals
    wat happens

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