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Underground Mafia Army Reforms For “Battle Of Everything”

MAMMOTH, Contested Land – The Underground Mafia Army has created shock waves in the community by announcing their return to the community with a huge declaration of war which is guaranteed to change everything.

On February 20th, the historical Underground Mafia Army announced it’s return to Club Penguin Warfare at the hands of Mach on their blog. In the same post, the UMA made their intentions of war clear declaring war on seven armies. Here is an extract from the post:

Greetings, one and all, members of the CP Army community. The following is an official announcement and declaration of war from the Underground Mafias Army. As the single most amazing army in all of Club Penguin, and the only force that is worthy of controlling Club Penguin, we are officially declaring war on all of the following armies, and challenging them to a “Battle of Everything” on the capital of CP Armies, Mammoth. This is the list of armies that we are challenging in this battle:

  • Dark Warriors
  • Ice Warriors
  • Light Troops
  • Army of CP
  • Doritos of CP
  • Water Vikings
  • Rebel Penguin Federation
  • Anyone else who thinks they can beat us!

As you can see, named in the declaration of war appears to be many Top Ten armies that have had significant impacts on the Army community. They’ve called out the Number 1 army, Ice Warriors as well in this declaration of war – something that many fail to see the logic behind.

Why exactly are we doing this? It is clear, we have seen the extremely stupid state of CP Armies and wish to demolish all of the ignorant plebeians that claim they have actual “talent.” When the day is done, there will only be one army standing tall, and that will be the Underground Mafias Army. All of you armies that claim to be the greatest, even if you band together, stand no chance against the sheer might that is the UMA. To save your breath, here is the official date and time of the attack, so hopefully you can try your best to put up a (good?) fight.

In any good declaration of war, reasons should be given as to why war was declared. Mach certainly did this. He appeared to be referring to the mentioned armies as “ignorant plebeians” who are currently living in an “extremely stupid state of CP Armies”.

UMA also appears to want to prove that they are the best army of all time; something that all of the mentioned armies would contest. UMA then later went on to post the date and time for what has the possibility to be the biggest battle of the year.

UMA at Mammoth, Dojo.

The winning army will have the right to successfully declare themselves the owner of the popular server ‘Mammoth’ which many armies claim to own. If armies fail to attend the event, the UMA have promised that they will claim the server for themselves.

Pink Mafias, creator of the Underground Mafia Army also spoke out on the UMA blog. It has been reported that this return and war declaration was the idea of the creator who “forced Mach’s hand” according to sources.

UMA’s invasions will not be shortened by an arbitrary factor, we are the spatially infinite crusaders who revel in our own sweat and nut on penguins under a somewhat pseudo-logical pretense which we obviously made up. We are the Underground Mafias Army!

<><><><><>

I managed to get an interview with Underground Mafia Army legend, Daniel. I asked him a number of things about the return, about the declaration of war and also his role in the reform of the army.

Interview with Daniel (Underground Mafia Army Legend)

What is the biggest contributing factor to the Underground Mafia Army’s return?

UMA is like a thermodynamic paradox, you just don’t know what to expect. We crush sailing ships drifting along the shoreline that we don’t like, much like Assassins Creed Black Flag. The biggest contribution would be Pink Mafias Return, definitely.

Why was the questionable decision to declare war on 7 armies made?

Consider more than one nested shell that are antisymmetric ellipsoids with the same foci, A, B, C, etc. Those foci are inferior… we that shell, an indestructible shell that will annex their nations with precision.

What role, if any, do you have in this generation of UMA?

I don’t have a role in this generation of UMA. In fact, the only “role” that I can be accredited for is maintaining the website that they’re using.

What predictions do you have for the Battle of Everything?

Much like UMA’s summer war with ACP in 2013, when we wiped their ass, and our war with LT in 2014, when we also wiped their ass. Much like Freezie, I can tell these armies atoms are going to be squished together into a soup of protons and neutrons under the effects of their extreme gravitational stupidity.

Anything else you’d like to add?

For those that UMA is fighting; rays are not an ensemble that can give rise to thermodynamic quantities because they do not have these attributes. Do. Not. Use. Rays.

For those who don’t understand what Daniel was saying, he compared the UMA to a hard, un-destroyable shell that will squash the other armies leaving them in a “soup” of “their extreme gravitational stupidity.” Daniel is feeling confident about the ‘Battle of Everything’ and believes that the UMA will come out victorious, despite not being in the army this generation.

What do YOU think? Is this a one time only event for the Underground Mafias Army? Who will win the ‘Battle of Everything’? 

Zing King To

CPAC Associate Producer & SMAP Executive Producer

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68 Responses

  1. wat

  2. I hope this isn’t a joke, like the earlier one. Its gonna be interesting.

  3. Finally something fun to do.

    • Yeah, this will be interesting.

  4. Well, that escalated quickly.

    • Serious question. How do you have a conversation with God? He uses big words so confusing lol

      • According to the declaration of war there are 8 armies involved, UMA fighting all of them at once, and this has become a major competition that will eventually become a world war and according to statistics, the chances of UMA winning is quite small, considering there’s 7 of us and only 1 of them.

        Competition is great, but there’s gonna be trouble.

        Save those big words for me too, Eyes.

      • The entire fucking dictionary is Daniels bible.

    • So is UMA.

  5. Mediocre.

  6. hype for nothing

    • wat

      • this is one isnt even that hard to understand

        dilate means expand. get bigger. UMA gonna expand so much, we’re gonna take up infinite space.

        like ur mum las nite.

  7. small

    • I think the only small thing here is your intelligence

      • That wasn’t directed to you

        • Calling you stupid is like calling zuke a journalist

  8. This is a great idea. Maybe we can throw some snowballs around rather than spam smilies at each other and all claim victory in the results post.

  9. Is Angel leading??????

    • We all do hope so ^-^

  10. gg

  11. Wow UMA returned

  12. UMA forever

    • You gonna hop again?

      • Hop? Alright let me clarify everything to you so I can shut your 9 year old mouth, I joined armies in July 2013 my first army was the Nachos and then I had joined UMA. I was a private in the Nacho army and a moderator in UMA. 2 months later I joined RF on its very first day, and during that time I also created my own army SBA. Later I was given leader in UMA in October or something which was the time I had left Nachos and RF at that time I did not know about the 1 army rule for owners as I was still new in the army community, UMA liked me and so they never asked me to quit the other armies I was in for them. But a little later I did quit my own army SBA which was ranked 11th on CPAC at that time just to be more loyal and active to UMA then from there I served as UMA leader till February 2014. In February Coolster had returned to UMA and in order to claim all the power he had thrown out all the leaders despite being not allowed to do that. So during that time it was a heartbreak for me I was doing everything to get myself back to UMA he had banned the people who were supporting me and I was not in touch with Daniel and Wg at that time. When I was out I had joined ACP to gain some more experience but had already informed Flipmoo my good friend that I will be leaving once I get justice in UMA and get that leader out who is harming UMA. When Coolster was finally kicked out from UMA and was added to the Hall of Shame. I then wen’t back and continued to lead UMA till its very end, despite being Ausia I did my very best to even contribute in UMA’s UK and US. During UMA’s most difficult times I’ve always been there which was also said in my legend description in UMA. UMA has always loved me and has always liked me for being there with it always and being loyal to it.

        When UMA was shut down I was offered temp Ausia leader in IW by Funks which I had accepted, however I was not enjoying leading anymore as I was still in depression and was missing my home army. Which you can definitely not understand as you have totally 0% idea about how much I was connected to UMA. So I decided to quit armies and move on in my life without UMA there was no Rocky. But 15-20 days ago I re-visited armies and I was somewhat ready to continue my career in armies again, I visited Nachos were Daniel’s gf Laoise asked me if I could lead the Ausia division I was unsure about it but said “Yes but I’ll finalize my decision with Chrisi” as Chrisi was supposed to decide my rank, so for the moment I was modded. I was visiting chats randomly and found my good friends Brigade and Earthing in SWAT. I talked to Dwain who was one of the SWAT leader that time who said that I could lead. And so I had a word with Laoise again and told her I would rather be interested in leading SWAT at the moment she happily replied “No problem”. And you Mr. Zing called me a hopper there however I ignored you, I served as leader in SWAT for 2 weeks then my grandfather got sick and was in a terminal condition as it was an emergency I was in a rush and while making a post in SWAT announcing my temp leave. Dwain saw it in drafts and misunderstood thinking that I’m planning to retire from SWAT permanently so following that he quickly took action by removing me which was a bad decision later he himself and other SWAT leaders were fired by Bad and some including Brigae left. Despite that I had a word with Ganger later describing the problem and explaining to him that I had no plans on leaving. Then 2 days later I was told that RF had returned Reacon who is very close to me told me how he needed an Aus leader and wanted me to return to RF to finish my unfinished business and do something significant this time so he could finally add me to the RF legends page, I did not refuse.

        So I joined RF again and am serving till date and have announced no plans on retiring or leaving. I am a UMA legend and soon to be RF legend, that gives me the full right of commenting “UMA forever” on a post announcing its return. So I made this long comment to shut your mouth and so idiots like you stop judging people when you don’t even know them, I’ve always gone against army hopping leaders who’ve led with me know that I’ve said that many times to many people and have even written it on my xat space long ago that army hopping must be stopped by good leaders. Despite me being nice to you and explaining to you several times how calling me an army hopper is not nice you’ve continued. And so now my comment proves everything about me so really stop being such a close minded dumbass get your facts right and stop making allegations on someone you don’t even know. That just proves how big of an asshole you are seriously I kindly suggest you to fuck off and think twice before calling me or anyone else you don’t even know a “hopper” again.

        • Oi little boy, I don’t need an essay. You returned a few weeks ago and you joined Nachos for AUSIA Leader. You then quit that and went to SWAT for leader, guess what? You left SWAT too and then went to Redemption Force.

          Three armies in a couple of weeks? That’s hopping, now shut your mouth.

          • Omfg who the hell made you a reporter lol. What kind of a reporter are you seriously you are dumb as fuck I don’t need to say anything further my reply to you proves everything and shows that all you are is just a dumbass 9 year old sitting behind a screen typing shit.

            • Who made me a reporter? Garrett101 did and since then I’ve achieved CPAC Associate Producer and SMAP Executive Producer.

              Now, are you just going to sit here ranting like a maniac or are you actually going to construct an argument?

              You’ve listed your past achievements, but what about the here and now? Maybe you did used to be loyal, but now? Now all you are in an army hopper.

              Three armies in a matter of weeks, that my good sir – makes you an army hopper. Now, you have three choices, ignore me and focus on your army (hey, maybe you’ll find another one to hop to). Your second choice is to carry on ranting and raving like a rapist stuck in a chasity belt.

              Your third and final choice is to construct an argument which suggests how joining three armies in a matter of just weeks isn’t army hopping.

              • Is there something stuck inside your brain which makes you not understand English?

                Alright again in a simple manner let me explain it to you seriously you need help you are dumb and stupid as fuck.

                1. I never officially joined Nachos.
                2. Dwain removed me from SWAT I did not leave it.

                Hope that is enough to help you understand something lol I’m not gonna waste nay further time on you because you are simply stupid.

                • Clearly I do understand English. If I didn’t, you wouldn’t understand what I’ve been saying. How stupid are you? You don’t even know what language you’re reading.

                  You did join Nachos; but you thought you were going to get owner – when you realised you couldn’t, you bailed.

                  If that’s the case, then fair point. I guess Dwain is one of the smartest people in armies. Even so, two armies in a matter of weeks is still hopping.

                  Now, while you say that you aren’t going to “waste nay further time” on me, I deduce that to be bullshit. I’m sure that you will message me on xat, or reply to one of my posts/comments before the end of the week.

                  Don’t be upset Hopper, I’m pretty sure Brigade’s looking for a new leader!

                  • Idiot….Complete idiot.

        • ““Yes but I’ll finalize my decision with Chrisi” as Chrisi was supposed to decide my rank, so for the moment I was modded.” I do not remember this occurring.

          • Most likely didn’t happen, Chrisi. Furthermore, Rockyiceman1 joined the Nachos for AUSIA Leader which is moderator; He thought he could just walk into the army and get owner, when he realised he couldn’t do this – He bailed.

            • Ausia leader isn’t mod you are a complete fool lol, once again as I’ve exlpained to you a thousand times already. Lao offered me Aus leader and modded me for the moment saying when Chrisi comes on you decide the final rank with her and I replied to her saying I’m not sure about it yet.

              What makes you not understand stuff I wonder really.

              • I thought you said you were done with me lol. Also who are you to decide that? Nachos AUSIA Leader IS moderator, not owner.

          • Yes because Lao told me that when you come on I am supposed to talk to you and you would decide what rank I would get. At that moment Lao modded me as I told her that I’ve still not finalized my decision and when Chrisi comes on I’ll discuss it with her and take a call.

            • You had “Nacho Army AUS Leader” in your name lmfao.

              • Dear, for the 1001th time I had not officially joined that is why I was modded at the moment, thank you.

                • No. You had joined, you were co AUSIA leader with Zekrom. Zek was also moderator because AUSIA Leader… is Moderator in Nachos

                  • Nope you are totally wrong once again, Lao told me in pc that she was not a main and would mod me for now and once my rank and decision is finalized a main can owner me. Stop thinking you are god you know nothing at all and try to be a big boy you are a complete idiot as I’ve said multiple times your facts are wrong, you think you know shit when you know nothing and still try to act smart but you are a dumbass.

                    She was also praising me and my leadership skills on main as she knew me and knew my experience which obviously meant she was not going to hire me for mod. So once again you are completely wrong and you are dumb maybe you are even jealous as I’ve never even seen you around what have you even achieved in your army career other than putting allegations on random people you don’t even know and getting owned later lmfao.

                    • I’ve achieved all I need to and all I want to in this community. Didn’t UMA die under your leadership?

                      …Also I thought you said you weren’t wasting anymore time on me? Make your mind up, son.

                      Now, as for Laoise – She was new to the army; she didn’t understand the way we were handling ausia.

                    • rockyiceman pulled a rockycommentspamrage

                      lol the irony

                    • your comments were irrelevant since you said you joined armies in 2013.

            • Erm, why would she have needed to discuss it with me, I was only 2ic at the time? Are you not mistaking me with Beeky xP

              • Uhh Chrisi, with all due respect – You’re mistaken. The incident that Rocky and I are talking about was in January 2015; you were leader but you were away.

                • This arguement is just as stupid and pointless as the one Ginger and Apo were having on the top10 armies post

  13. The idea is awesome, but can the UMA really do it?

    None of the armies can’t recruit so much new troops but they will do it? and their name can’t even be seen on CP, it would be amazing if they succeed but i really believe this is going to be a major fail.

    • Stop trolling people you little fuckslut >.>

  14. Lol you’ve all been fooled by Daniel and his UMA friends.. How could you fall victim to this?

    • You wont be saying that when UMA crushes every top ten army.

  15. Lmao. UMA is trolling everyone because they’re a bunch of idiots that have nothing else better to do with their lives. This “Pink Mafias” who claimed to post on UMA is either Mach or Daniel lmao. You really thought this was legit? Or did you just post this because there are no other stories to post about at the moment?

    • Tbh man, it’s news that I new would generate buzz – I posted it.

      • You post satire now?

        • Meta why are you surprised hes one of CLUB PENGUIN ARMY COMEDY CENTRAL’S Ceos lmfao fail dude

    • Actually, you shouldn’t say thank you for understanding because I didn’t understand anything you said. You talk on a college level and no one ever knows what you’re talking about so I really don’t know how to respond to this comment lol

      • I didn’t say you were supposed to use them. I said you should use words we can all understand if you want people to know what you’re trying to say. Otherwise, no one has any idea what you’re explaining.

        • dont worry baddyboy i gotchu

          http://www.english4dummies.com/

  16. wtf lol.

  17. basicly

  18. I don’t think any of these armies should let a dead army organize a battle to determine who owns mammoth.

    • Why not?

  19. Interesting. I can’t wait to see how this turns out.

  20. Today, I am proud to be a UMAnian.

  21. I like it. I like it very much so. This is very much what cp armies used to be about. You’d wake up one day and go “HEY! YEAH YOU! WAR, NOW!”

    Can’t wait.

  22. too bad ar is gonna win~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  23. what LOL

  24. Look around you citizens Aids Aids Everywhere

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