Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Blue Review.
Ohayo CPAC, I’m Bluesockwa1. And since I’m egotistical and obsessed with sh*t that has my name on it, this site has introduced The Blue Review. This will probably be posted weekly or bi-weekly, much like Mach’s ‘The Funnies’ or Paco’s ‘Satire de Paco’. Now, since you probably don’t care about anyone on this site, let’s get to work.
Now, the phones of various army leaders have been ringing off the hook this week due to the beginning of the war between what has become the two main factions of armies, the White Alliance and the Black Alliance. Now, you’re probably asking
“But Baaaaarooooooooooooo, I can only see the Black Alliance.”
Precisely, noob stereotype! That’s because the other alliance is, in fact, the White Alliance, as pictured below.
Now, Paco had a bit of an issue with the recent creation of the two alliances, as he discussed with me last evening.
But, there’s a more important issue at hand. The recent bill proposed by CP Warfare’s on Vietnam Veteran, Tap Dancer. While Tap was sitting at home choking on communism, he decided to put together a bill to remove Waterkid and Pain from CP Armies. Now, I think this bill is extremely great. Not only will it drive Pain out with a pitchfork and torch mob, but it’ll also help me with my drinking habits. See, for the past six months, I’ve been taking a shot every time Pain was couped from an army. People found it funny to draw on me while I was passed out in the staff breakroom.
my mommy says I’m special.
So, we may finally have a sober head of CPAC once again — don’t even get me started on Blue2′s vodka addiction.
see the family resemblance? Of course, I did no shave November. Not so much for Blue.
But enough about this whole war. Before we go, I have a story to tell you about the origins of two of CPAC’s greatest, myself and Woton.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Woton was working in the wonton factory. His manager, Mr. Chang, was a very mean man, and used to beat Woton when he didn’t make enough wontons in a day. Because of this, Woton used to cry himself to sleep every night. One day, after a look talk with Momton, little Woton decided to make CPA Central and do something half productive with his life. Now, three years later, Bluesockwa1 (bloo-sok-wah-won) came along to be CEO of CPA Central. But people would always ask Bluesockwa1 where he got his name. Blue1 had been beaten up by an elf when he was still in the nursery, and had no recollection of the origins of his name. However, one day, a very tipsy Joee and Riot where researching the origin of Blue-sockwa in the CPAC Breakroom.
Yes, it was real! Hooray, hoorah! The age-old mystery of Blue-sockwa’s origin had been solved! And, furthermore, according to Urban Dictionary — “Yo man, these sockwas are so comfortable, I don’t even know I have shoes on!”
They told Bluesockwa he was a shoe.
Who wants the noose he used?
So, what do YOU think? Would you like to hear more from The Blue Review? Comment with YOUR opinion!
CPA Central Head Cheese
Filed under: Satire